Hey! Today I wanted/felt obligated to share what I’m thankful for, since it’s thanksgiving. I actually have a main focus this year, rather than a random list. Strap in, this one’s kinda long.
This year I’m thankful for what I’ve lost.
I think so often I focus on what I’ve been given that I forget to thank God for what he’s taken away. It might sound like I’m being sarcastic, but I’m really not.
Over my short life, I’ve seen God take away a lot of things that I didn’t understand. He’s taken my friends away, some pets away, some family away, and a lot of objects and activities. Gone. Maybe not for good, but always for a while. It’s taken me a long time to realize that it was always for my own good.
My preschool best friend and I have had a… confusing relationship. She was always my best friend when we were growing up, but I was never hers. There was always someone else she liked better. And that’s okay, it’s just life. But that was hard to grip as a kid. She moved to another country a couple days after my 10th birthday, and we didn’t get to talk much at first. (I didn’t have a phone, computer, or even an ipod. So contact was kinda difficult.) I was really sad for a really long time, because I knew she would make new friends and she didn’t need me at all. She, on the other hand, was pretty much the only friend I had, and I definately felt like I needed her. As we slowly came back in contact over the years, she barely said anything. When she did, it was about the drama in her new school with her new friends. I just had to smile and nod, because I had nothing here to talk about. No friends, no school, no drama. Just me and my stuffed animals. I was stuck on her for a long time because I thought she would be the only best friend I’d ever have, but she barely even saw me. Talking to me was basically just talking to herself with a different face. Over time we stopped talking again, and any news that I get about her is usually from my mom. She’s changed completely; she’s almost the opposite of the girl I grew up with. I don’t really know her anymore.
I think going our separate ways (Worlds Apart) was for the better. I was tired of getting dragged along. I’ve visited her several times, but she’s never come to see me. I needed to move on from a friendship that wasn’t what I thought.
Thank you God for giving me an opportunity to know you better and helping me let go of someone that I thought I needed. You reminded me that You are enough, and I will be okay when people come and go. This world is not forever, but You are.
I’ve lost another friend to moving away, too. She was a great friend for a season, but eventually that season ended. She was like a goldfish to me. We were stuck in our little friendship bubble, and I wasn’t strong enough to keep cleaning the water. Her toxins were quickly killing me. She’s a great person, but she has some struggles. And because I’m an empath, those struggles were naturally passed on to me. I realized too late the hold that she had on me, and even now it’s hard to talk to her. She can have a very closed mindset about things sometimes, and tends to see things in a negative light. So whenever I’m around her, so do I. I can get uncharacteristically sardonic, my depression is worsened, and my anxiety absolutely skyrockets because I can see what’s happening but can’t seem to fix it. It’s like when we’re together, she drives the car and I just have to hold on. She doesn’t do it on purpose, and she’s not really an assertive person. She is charismatic, which is much, much more dangerous. So when she moved away, I was sad at first. But then it was like finally getting a gasp of air when you’d just been drowning. I was so relieved. For a while I didn’t even realize why, but I’m able to see it now. Like I said, she’s not a bad person at all. She’s just bad for me to be around, because I can be very easily influenced. (This is not a trait that I am proud of, but it is something that I do deal with.)
Even now, I can tell a difference in myself when I’ve talked to her. (Yes, even over email.) I get really tense, and my anxiety gets weird. I look at knives a little differently and I have less self control. My mental space is compromised and I don’t eat much if anything. (Again, totally not her fault. Empathy just sucks.)
But now I can be much more free of the toxins, and I can breathe easier. Some days are harder than others, but that’s life.
Thank you God for setting me free of someone who is dangerous to me. Please be with her and set her free of the negativity that she holds on to. It is not who she is, but it is comfortable for her. I think she is scared to let go of it. Please show her how to be free, and if you can use me to help her, please do. She is a beautiful person under all that pain, and I hope one day she can see that.
Peter was my best (and only) friend for a while. He had a very……… tangy personality, but he was always sweet when it mattered. Once, when he was really old, he even took a nap in my lap when I was sad. He cheered me up and kept me alive in hard times. I needed him a lot more than I realized, and when he was gone, it was truly awful for a while. Sometimes I still sit down and cry because I miss him so much and it feels like I can’t breathe. That’s just who he was to me.
(He was a Winter White Dwarf Hamster.)
Thank you God for letting me say goodbye, and thank you for giving us peace in his passing. I know he didn’t feel a thing. Thank you for letting me take care of an angel, and for giving him a loving home. Even though I still miss him, I know he is in a better place and he has been healed. His sickness is gone, and he can eat all the sunflower seeds he wants now.
(You can find his full story at https://whistlepigstudios.com/the-story-of-peter-the-first/ )
Poe was always very sweet. From the first day that I got him, he never once bit me. I don’t think he ever even used the bathroom on me. He was there when we put Peter down, and always comforted me when I was sad. He loved to run around, but he was still a fat little boy. (Oh my gosh, he was so fat. He ran on the wheel all the time, and he ate pretty healthy. He was just big. And that’s okay.) He was definately the sweetest hamster I’ve ever had.
(He was a fancy bear hamster.)
Thank you God for putting this adorable boy into my life. He has blessed me in so many ways, and I will never forget his kindness. And although he is gone, I remain changed forever because of him.
(You can find his full story at https://whistlepigstudios.com/the-story-of-poe/ )
Toby & Perry were perfect together. They were such sweet little girls, always playing and bringing each other treats. They didn’t need me at all; they were in their own little world. But Perry had to be put down. (She was very very old and had gotten what I suspect to be a brain tumor that cut off her vision. She couldn’t seem to see or hear, and she started to wheeze and have trouble breathing. Eventually we couldn’t watch her suffering any more and we had to take her to the vet.) Toby was confused that day, waiting out in the open for her friend to come home. The next day she ran all over the cage, and was very distressed to still not find Perry. She died on Christmas eve, less than two days later, of depression. Although this was one of the hardest deaths I’ve ever faced, it taught me a lot. She taught me a lot. Toby knew that even death can’t stop love. She refused to eat or drink, and she barely moved when Perry was gone. When God took her away, she got to see her best friend again. She trusted Him even in the face of death, and she knew where she was going when she left this world. Some mock me and say, “it’s just a stupid mouse.” To that I answer, she knew that love was worth dying for and worth living for, but not worth living without. And I think that’s the least stupid creature I’ve ever met.
(Perry was a fancy mouse and Toby was from a breeder.)
Thank you God for taking my girls away, because now they are healthy, happy, and together again. Toby could not live without Perry, and it probably would have been the same vice-versa. In this tragedy, you taught me what love looks like. Maybe some people move on when their love passes, and that doesn’t make that love any less strong. But I think there are some loves that one simply cannot live without; we could not live if You did not love us, and we are called to love each other for that reason. Thank you for showing me what love looks like.
(Their full story can be found at https://weheartit.com/articles/338717214-a-bitersweet-love-story)
I lost my papaw a few years ago. I never knew him very well, which makes me sad now. It was always very hard to understand him; several strokes had knocked out his ability to clearly speak, so it took a trained ear to make out what he was saying. But no matter how hard I tried, I could never quite get it. When he was alive, all I knew about him was that he made amazing breakfast sandwiches, he grew delicious cherry tomatoes, and he loved food and old westerns. But it was after he died that I really got to know him. My family went through his stuff upstairs in his room, where I found drawers full of notes and poems and songs and bible verses. He’d written letters to many people, and received many back. In his prime he volunteered to build houses, worked in the fire department, and never turned away a person needing help. He was one of the most brilliant Christians I’ve ever known, writing down so many things that were pure genius and I believe to be inspired by God. He served in the Air Force. He loved his wife until the end, cared for his kids with a tough love that has stuck with them still, and spoiled his dogs so much that they barely even blinked at anybody else. He was a helping hand to the community, always volunteering when something needed to be done. He knew everybody and no one could say a bad thing about him and keep a clean conscience. He was imperfect, but at the end of the day, he always tried his hardest. He was a man after God’s own heart. And yes, I’m crying while writing this. I never truly met him for who he once was, I only knew him after the strokes and mental issues and old age had kicked in. But in his life and death, he is an inspiration for me. I’m writing a story called Pocketwatch, which was inspired by the collection of pocket watches I found in his dresser drawer. The entire thing bends around the little ticking time device. But in the end, a little boy named Gary is the one who saves them all. Without saying a word, my papaw inspired a whole world inside my mind. People always saw God in action when they looked at him, and that’s how he wanted it. This time I think he deserves to be seen to his kindness and bravery. It’s not easy to live for God sometimes. And I might just be a little girl looking into the past, seeing her papaw’s legacy stretched out before her eyes. But I want to show the world what I see. Because what I see is amazing, and everyone else deserves to see it too.
So thank you God for taking my papaw away, because now he is healed and whole and able to smile again. (I feel bad for all the angels, because he’ll probably never shut up now that he can talk again.) Thank you for letting me find his legacy and feel his love for you in everything he left behind. Going through those old things made a big difference in my life, and inspired one of my most creative phases yet. He was a truly good person down to his bones, something hard to find sometimes. Although his passing was hard for my family, we are all so glad to know that he’s talking your ear off and eating all the biscuits and gravy he can handle. And thank you, for bringing healing in so many people’s lives through my papaw.
I’m going to stop there, because this is already pretty long and you have better things to do. The point is, maybe think about some things that God has taken away from you that turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes He shows His love by making you temporarily unhappy to save you or something/one you love in the long run. It’s not always easy to see at the time, but reflection is important. You’ve come a long way from day one. Thank Him for getting you here. Just a suggestion. That’s what I’m doing this year. 🙂
I also want to say a thank you for everyone who reads my blog and all my friends and family in real life. You all are the best and you make life worth living. Thanks for putting up with my mess and crazy. Love you.
♡, Shortie
