Whistlepig Studios

Update: I have recently been reminded to read this post again and I realize that I was exceedingly harsh to Duckie. I don’t remember writing like that, but I definitely did, and I wanted to apologize to any dear readers who might have been hurt by this. Especially Duckie. I am so, so sorry. It was not supposed to come out that way. I hope you can forgive me and we can still be sorta-kinda friends. You’ve been pretty nice to me most of the time, and I had no right to write the way I did. It came out very wrong, and I am so, so sorry.

Hey guys and gals! I know I haven’t been posting here in a while. I’m sorry. Lately I’ve thrown myself headfirst into my church and anything I can do to help them out. Not that they really need it; they’re an amazing group of people working together to make things happen. I’m such a tiny cog in our church machine. BUT here’s how I know I’m about to play an important role:

Spiritual Warfare.

I don’t like how Wikipedia describes it, so I’ve come up with my own personal definition.

~When both God and Satan are fighting for your attention, and it’s up to you who will win. Spiritual warfare is a daily thing, but intensifies a hundred-fold when God is about to move big time.~

My youth leader asked me to perform a message on how we matter to our friends. I said I’d do it. I have been getting some serious adversity (aka spiritual warfare) as I tried to write and prepare myself for this. I keep accidentally hurting myself (banged my head on a piece of wood furniture, burned my hand on a pot, hurt my foot while dancing, etc), but a lot of the problems I’ve been facing are actually mind games. I’ve had nightmares the last three nights, leaving me in a constant state of unrest and confusion. The last nightmare I had was about my friends getting shot. Remember what my message is about? Friends. Yup. This morning I received a call from someone I work with. Duckie. We are both on the youth leadership team at my church and have been working hard to get this event ready. The first day that we really met was a couple meetings in. He suggested that Ziggs and I do most of the work because we had done it before. I responded with something like, “Just because you haven’t spoken on stage yet doesn’t mean you aren’t qualified to do so. Ziggs and I had to start somewhere. Maybe here is where you start.”

I felt like he was putting Ziggs and I on a pedestal, and I didn’t want that. We are just voiceboxes for words that God inspired. We shouldn’t be seen as more qualified, because we aren’t. All we do is answer God’s call. He does the rest. So I wanted a way to tell Duckie that we were no better than him, and he had the same opportunity to share. ( Edit: At the time, I was under the impression that his goal was to end up on stage. But now I don’t know if that was right. He usually works in the sound booth, and he’s darn good at it. I realize now that I just assumed he wanted to speak. I had tried to call him out gently, because I thought he was making excuses, but looking back I see that he was probably just stating his actual reasons for staying in the sound booth. This is an example of why I should just keep my mouth shut.) Turns out he doesn’t like me because of it. He called me this morning. I answered. From what I could tell, I’m guessing he fake butt-dialed me so that I would hear him say “Yeah, Shortie is a nightmare.” Clearly it was supposed to look like he didn’t mean for me to hear it. Whether this was planned or an actual accident, I don’t know. But remember what my message is about? Friends. Yup! Satan is trying to turn my friends against me. Luckily, I was able to block him. (Duckie has been calling me “the girl on the phone” for a while now because he “forgot” my name and I had to come in through facetime for ONE leadership meeting. So I simply texted him after hanging up. I’m impressed. You remembered my name.)

The worst part about the call is that I can’t really tell anybody. I mean, I can, but it would likely not be a wise decision. The thing about Duckie is most of the time, if you want him to go away, you just have to ignore him. So if I brought it up with our youth pastor, Duckie would get a firm talking to. BUT he would know that it affected me enough to say something. So he would keep doing it. If I ignore him, he’ll eventually give up. So I’m content with being quiet.

Most people might call that defeat. I call it victory. If you know me, you know that I get my feelings hurt very easily. I try to treat people with all the respect that I can, and when they don’t do the same for me, well, you can imagine how that feels. It stings. So for me to ignore this boy is a big step! I only cried a little! I’m really proud of myself. (And the crying is probably mostly due to the fact that I’ve barely slept in three days, so my emotions are literally everywhere.)

So, yes. That’s what spiritual warfare looks like and currently it’s what I’m dealing with. Satan is trying to rob me of rest, turn my friends against me, and frankly, turn my life into a nightmare so that I back down from speaking my truth. Luckily I have God on my side, and God never relents. He is fighting His hardest to keep my attention, and He is where my attention will stay.

“Not me, Satan. I am a daughter of the living God! Cherished, loved, and adored above all things, by the creator of all things, for the glory of Him who is greater than all things!”

An excerpt from “I AM AWESOME”, by Jon Jorgenson

I will give my message. I will try my best. I will not back down or give in to hating rude people. I’m going to love Duckie with all the strength that I can muster, just as Jesus loves me despite my flaws and mistakes. I will not lose my head in spiritual warfare. I will follow God’s path for me.

I hope this helped somebody out there! I think the Christian life is so often seen as unnecessarily difficult and that’s not true. Bad things happen to us because Satan knows the power of God’s love and he wants to stop us from sharing it. The pain is not unnecessary. It is a sign that God is trying to use you and Satan is trying to stop you. The journey of life is hard and long, but ultimately worth it. Just don’t let Satan win.

♡, Shortie